The following is a work of fiction.

Not Nick Nolte's Diary, Malibu, California
July 8, 2005

Soak

Constance is currently giving me mud treatments. Insert your Liz Taylor jokes here Diary. Anyway she says if I keep with the treatments for a few more weeks, I will look like the Nolte she first had a crush on in 'Another 48 Hours.' This confession made me feel both complimented and uneasy. Its the same feeling I have when I am at the public library and I have to put up with all the teenagers sending each other beeper messages. Without a doubt the mud makes my skin feel more refreshed. This isn't vodoo here. As for her other treatments, well, I have my doubts. Don't get me started on her "avacado smear" or her "iron ash soak." Why isn't the word "with" and "the" combined. That would be a useful contraction. Let it be Diary.