The following is a work of fiction.

Not Nick Nolte's Diary, Malibu, California
May 16, 2005

Dragline

My new neighbor Derek and I have become fast friends, Diary. It turns out he also likes a vitamin shake to start the day. He even offered to have his trainer check me out. It has been a while since I've been on a scale that hasn't been "fixed" by Manolo. He too remains a few pounds to the left of reality. Derek and I watched some basketball in his house. It's odd to see that house without all of Ishii's Tina Turner photographs. I never got around to asking him about that. Derek doesn't have a designer's impulse but I think he took my suggestions about adding some cherry elements to set off his pecan flooring. We polished off the day by taking in the original The Thing on the mitsu. We enjoyed ourselves so much we decided to start a mustache race. Sometimes there is great wisdom in sloth.