The following is a work of fiction.

Not Nick Nolte's Diary, Malibu, California
March 13, 2005

Jasmine

Manolo just purchased a dozen pair of metal chopsticks. He, of course, calls them polished stainless steel. I didn't have the heart to tell him, but they are a little obtuse. I just can't use them. The biggest problem is a lack of friction, not to mention practicality. By their nature rice noodles don't want to be picked up. Friction is one's only ally. But Manolo insists that they will look better for dinner parties and such. I guess. Actually chopsticks are alot like drop cloths, the less you spend the better off you're going to be. I always have the guy throw in extra chopsticks when I sneak takeout behind Manolo's back. Hell, you can't argue with bamboo. Well no one's ever accused me of having champaigne taste. Roll the credits, Diary.