The following is a work of fiction.

Not Nick Nolte's Diary, Malibu, California
December 25, 2004

Feliz Navidad

Well Diary, I am full of holiday spirit...and organic nog. I had to slip into a larger pair of slacks as a result. The only news to report is that Monolo is bed ridden. He keeps saying that he "...only has a few hours left..," but as it turns out, he only has a mild to moderate case of scabies. That's what Doc Grossjean said anyway. I warned Monolo not to wear the reindeer costume before he cleaned it, but he didn't listen. The thing had been in the attic forever. Insert your Bette Midler joke here. Everyone is downstairs playing Password so I must get back, it is probably my turn. Merry Christmas Diary.